Miss Wanna Die
by kilala2tail
Summary: "When she opened her eyes, she wasn't sure what had happened." Did she really want to get through the labyrinths? One-shot


_Held a hand for me, you were there_

 _I know, But couldn't reach_

 _The me that would fall down all the time_

 _But stand and reach my hand to see…_

 ** _Have you tried crossing over yet?_**

* * *

When she opened her eyes, she wasn't sure what had happened.

She didn't know where she was, or how she got there.

She couldn't recall her name. The faintest wisps of a dream circled in her mind for a few moments, but she couldn't grasp any of them and let them slip away.

Before her stood a person. She couldn't recall if she had met him, or if he was the cause for where they were.

All she knew that the boy in front of her could be trusted.

He named her. At first it was a confusing name, one she did not know and could not understand.

Philei.

 _Beloved._

But that was alright, he was trying, for her. And she allowed it, and called herself "Rei" in his place.

She was happy, with this strange boy she had named Zen. They were at a school of some sort, during a festival event. And times were fun. They viewed attractions, and ate food, and wondered endlessly.

She knew something wasn't right, yet she was so scared to learn the truth.

He was waiting for something, and she was afraid to find out what. He never pushed the subject, so she never asked.

And times stayed forever the same.

 _Until they came._

Time, as she knew it, started to change.

They wanted to leave.

They wanted to destroy the order of the world in which they found themselves.

They had started to invoke a difference around them.

 _And that scared her._

At first, it sounded fun. They could help, and then they could leave with their new friends! Everything would be alright if they could just make these new people happy.

But something wasn't right.

It started with the first labyrinth, the first chest.

It started with a bunch of people wearing the same outfits that they were. A group of close friends, people that loved and trust one another with their very lives.

It started with traveling through the maze of life, finding the "queen" at the end and meeting with another interesting collection of people.

 _Did it start like that?_

It started with people in a strange uniform. They came in a group that didn't quite mesh, but held together all the same heading towards a common goal.

It started with traversing in relative silence and working to get to the end as quickly as possible, to start learning the truth.

It started with being helped by a bunch of cheery teenagers who were as lost as they were.

 _Was that what happened?_

Things stopped making sense.

Things started to repeat.

 _She didn't understand._

Zen wanted to help them.

He wanted her to see what was in the chests. He said it was important, that something good had to come of it, that it would allow them all to find a way to get back to where they belong.

 _She didn't want that. Why couldn't he understand she didn't want that?_

Something was wrong. She didn't know how to fix it.

 _She wanted to die._

Wait, what? She didn't want to die. She wanted to live. She wanted to explore with Zen and all their new friends. She wanted to eat tasty new foods. She wanted to get out.

 _She wished she didn't exist._

She didn't know what was happening anymore, only that opening the chests lead to nothing good. Maybe she could talk her new friends into stay with them. They could have lots of fun, and nothing would have to change.

 _Wasn't it time to leave?_

No... No! She didn't want that! She only wanted to be happy! Why? Why was this happening?

 _Why couldn't she remember anything? Why was everything at the school?_

She wanted to leave.

She wanted to stay.

She wanted to understand.

Zen wasn't happy, and that was wrong.

She wasn't happy, and she didn't know how to correct it.

Their new friends weren't happy, and that wasn't fair.

 _It wasn't enough. She had to remember. There was something wrong. Zen knew something was wrong. Why couldn't she remember?_

 _ **What was in the chests?**_

She wouldn't let them leave her behind. She wanted to live. She wanted to know. She had to find out, and if this all tied to her then she owed everyone the chance to leave, to go home.

 _And then she remembered._

She had wanted to die. She had wanted to disappear. She didn't know why she was born.

 _It wasn't fair._

Zen told them the story. How she, a pitiful child left to rot in a hospital, died during an operation. How he, a GOD, had the mercy to grant her more time than she deserved to serve his curiosity.

She didn't know how she knew. She didn't know what was going on anymore.

 _She wanted to die._

She wanted to live.

She didn't know anymore.

She couldn't die. She couldn't leave Zen behind. He had worked to give her the time to learn what her place in life had been.

 _He was a god of time and death._

He named her "Beloved" and gave her more time after death.

 _He locked up her memories._

He cared for her in a deeper way than a god was ever meant to care for a mortal.

 _And so he fought, and they won._

The Velvet room wasn't meant for her. But it allowed her the pleasure of meeting its occupants. And that was enough.

She took his hand, and with one last smile, they ascended the stairway meant for her the whole time.

* * *

 **A/N: Lmao that ending tho. To be fair, I'm posting this unedited after doing a stream-of-thought quick write listening to a single song on repeat as I'm falling asleep. And I'm not very good at endings aaaaanywaaaay soooooo...**

 **Does it deserve better?  
Fuck yeah.  
Do I plan to give it better?  
Damn straight.  
Just... Not tonight. **

**Or on this site.**

 **Pop over to AO3 sometime, yeah? Same username, there's this shared fic focused on Persona, I totes plan on doing some things for P5 soon... Lol okay I'm done.  
**

 **Anyway. Thanks for reading folks. Let me know your thoughts, yeah?**

 **Until next time, happy reading.**


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